I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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