I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
