were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
