Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
