I want to make a zoo with you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
