I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
