I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
