In the future we'll all be gay
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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