This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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