Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
