Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
