My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
