who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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