I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
