look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize