You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
