I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
