why didn't you poke me back
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
