I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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