I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
