I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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