So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Did I show you my penis last night?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
