meet me or not, i'm out of control
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
