I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
