good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
