I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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