I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My breasts were aching with rage.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
