Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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