dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
