At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how can u be prego again
i already hear my dad disowning me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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