Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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