I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
