We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
