My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
