So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
