6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
