so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
