I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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