She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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