No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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