omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
