i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
