It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm getting married
To pizza
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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