She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
