if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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