have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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