so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
