that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
