did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
