i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
