He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
