I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
