we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ketchup is God's man juice
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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