I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
