I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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