He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
