i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
