guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
