Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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