just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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