Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
