No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
