Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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