***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
