and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
