fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
