He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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